If the Blood is Weak
by muffinlover
Summary: Edward Masen's final transformation into a vampire as we know him.


**If the Blood is Weak**

_Disclaimer:This story is merely a work of inspiration from the book itself. I barely finished it yesterday. Please offer constructive criticism instead of sheer hate…it's not very good, but I wanted to focus on the senses. I wanted to explore the meaning of pain. Thank you for reading. _

If this wasn't Hell, then I couldn't fathom the real underworld. Here I was, one of what seemed to be millions, in a silent ward where the rest of the dead and dying lay in mute anticipation of the afterlife. I could only imagine what the bile and sweat in the air would do to me if the sense of smell was still present. Despite the room being dim and my sight tainted by the acidic burn of sweat that caught them, I could see those around me who were dead and those very near to it.

Of those dead were my mother and father; while tacitly explained, the young doctor's face said more than enough. One would think news like that was devastating; I was relieved to know that they felt no more pain…they were spared from the sight of the young children drowning in their own blood and weeping mothers helplessly grieving over the saturated bodies. How I envied their rapid death and how I longed to see them soon…

I had given in to those parasites that wanted my flesh out of fatigue and apathy; was there truly anything left? I wanted nothing more than to leave the world and allow the doctors to spend time with those who still had a chance.

While I would miss life, I didn't mind the thought of death so much. What I did mind was the thought of waking up to this excruciating fever and this ravenous hunger every few minutes. I was falling asleep now…it wouldn't be long…

Yet I couldn't help but wonder about the unreadable expression on the young doctor's face before he left…it was almost as if he was feeling what I was fighting; the strong wave of desire and desperate grief that his eyes conveyed for a nanosecond. The empathy and sympathy that was offered to me was overwhelmingly kind…that I was not just another patient whose fate was just too bad. He understood, to a level, that I was…alone.

How strange a thought that was to me. I always had _someone _to talk to; not exactly I was emotionally bonded to, but I was loved and I was known. It had just occurred to me at that moment that I was no longer Edward but another patient; another face; another name…

The next thing I knew, I felt a burning fire surging through my veins. Each beat of my heart was another surge of agonizing torture. My breathing was quickening and frantic with each new second—something was changing. Was this the end?

I looked at my hands and saw what looked to be a huge gash in my left wrist. As I opened my palms, I saw indentations of my fingernails hibernating into my skin as I tried to will the pain away. I was rapidly salivating and perspiring…my body was preparing its final moments…or so I thought.

It was all I could do to keep from screaming…the young doctor came back to see me between my short sleeping spells and agonizing hours praying for death. With what looked like worry etched in his face, he assured me that I was going to feel better soon. I didn't _want _to feel! I wanted to let the fire envelop me with the warm and kind rest that Death so kindly offered me. How _dare _he extend meaningless and untrue words of comfort and well-being!

It greatly surprised me to find that what felt like thousands of years was only a three-day period. The fire had not degraded me to ashes but to an inferno of horror and venomous immortality. I was no longer incapacitated and weak. My eyes could see far better than I had ever known and I could smell each corpse's blood. I felt…cold.

I came to find after a rebirth of a new monster that I was a vampire at the hands of Carlisle. Yes, I was saved. But it took me such a long time to come to terms with such a concept. What I thought was rapid-coming death was my actual resurrection into the knowledge that I would not be with my parents for a very long time and that I was not a human anymore.

It wouldn't be for eighty years that I finally found life again…


End file.
